For as long as I can remember I have known that I am an adopted child. The adopted word carries so many questions and heartaches with it at least it does for me. One large question that always comes up is why? So where do I belong?
As I grew the questions grew with me. Why, why was I not wanted by the person that gave birth to me, why was I not given to my family. Didn’t I have one relative that wanted me to be with them? Why didn’t my mom keep me? Where was my dad? Do I have a grandmother who looks like me? An aunt who laughs like I do. Was there something about me… even then… that made them decide I wasn’t worth staying for? We were left with a friend of my mother’s so that she could do whatever. She never returned so were turned over to the State. Why didn’t she want us?
What really is a family? The folks I was adopted by, I loved them and they loved me. But it was a different love. After the birth of their two biological children the difference was there. I could feel it. It wasn’t something that was shown but more felt.
As I got older the questions really started to play loudly in my head. My biological sister located me, and we began to search for our parents. We found out things that were not what any person would want to hear. The love any child should receive me and my 5 other siblings never knew.
How does someone do this to children? Then in the court documents the big gut punch. When asked if she wanted her children back, she responded not as this time. Who does that who leaves their children.
When you’ve had to fend for yourself you begin to move through life differently. You become intentional about making sure no one else ever feels that same emptiness. You show up for people, you remind them they’re not alone, and you create the kind of love and understanding you need.
Most of all, you make certain your own children never question their worth. You surround them with love, speak it often, and hold them tight and love them deeply. You remind them every day about how important they are to you not only in words but in action.